Revisiting the past

Few days ago I was back at my Faculty. As I steped over the treshold, I again felt like a student. It’s always the same feeling. Faculty is connected with you being a student and so you feel like one. It’s really funny that you don’t overgrow this 🙂

I was there for a PhD defence of my former coworker.
I wasn’t sure if I should go or not since I knew I would meet all my ex coworkers – my suppervisior, my boss at that time and all the others. We haven’t stayed in touch since we parted on a slightly bad relations. Short summary: I stayed unemployed practically over night and they didn’t help me a bit. They didn’t try to hire me for a month or two which is the practice for every other young reseracher at this chair on the department. So for everyone they can find a way, except for me.

I went anyway and it was fine. My old boss was so sad that I can’t get a job, and she was letting me believe that she would help me, if some position will come up. I was like huh? There were some positions over the years and they didn’t tell me for them or help me find something. Every other youngster who finished after me, got some kind of job with their help.
I have never sucked up to anyone and this is partly a reason for my situation as well. I was doing everything on my own, didn’t need much of a help, and so they were looking on me like I can do everything by myself. But when you’re out of academic and research circles, you need help. You cannot do anything by yourself. It really is a tragic story. It’s also not good if you’re very capable, you shouldn’t be better than someone else. The best life policy in our country is to be like evrybody else. Everybody is equal. This is national thinking. If you’re different than majority, you’re out. So it is.

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